I am a Good Person

I know that I am a good person and I don't doubt that I can make a relationship work but why? I have yet to be worth it to anyone...my parents never had the time for my "problems" unless it had an affect on their image or so it felt.  John left -- he was probably the one that would have stayed, loved me in spite of, Peter was a manipulative liar -- married really?! Then there was the last, the man that had a long list of I have nevers -- 1st kiss, sex, all of it was me --is that the problem? Should I not have been? Was I too much? Were my wants and needs too over the top or what?

He is a great dad, please don't get me wrong...he adores his children and is a wonderful human in that regard. We just don't work. Interestingly enough I seem to be the common denominator in all of these "bad" situations and I still want to blame others? What if I really am the problem? Can you gaslight yourself? Is it selfish of me to believe that I could be that "big" of a deal? Or that I could be the problem with everyone else? Why? Is there a way to figure that out without years of counseling or a ton of money spent?

There is a line in a song that I feel like is spot on..."I'm not even mad anymore..." And I am not. Not at him at any rate, I am mad at myself for believing that someone would want me. My sex obsessed, dirty mind, bad mouth, know how to mind my manners when needed, clingy, cries at silly things, loves kids & animals...why? What did I actually do that was wrong? Not once have I denied anything that I have done, said, wanted or to the wants of others. I never said no to sex, doing, his needs or wants so what was it? Where did I go wrong??