It's been nearly six years now. On one hand it's a lifetime ago, and on the other it feels like yesterday.
I don't miss him or that friendship anymore, and I have realized the bit about my just being a "piece of @$$" is probably true. Funny thing is after everything that year and T moving out and back in I thought our relationship would improve. And it did for half a breath and then it fell completely apart right after I got pregnant with our youngest.
He was mean and hurtful and I dished it right back to him because it is either go big or go home with that part of our relationship. Now I wish I would have sat down and shut up more. If for no other reason than to keep the peace. I knew the morning our baby was born we wouldn't grow old together, there was a harsh disconnect that had never been there before. I was nearly certain that he didn't love me anymore, it was more a matter of "she's here doing what I need done so cool."
Love tho, that was out.
As the years went by I worked to be complacent and have as little opinion as possible but I failed at that too. We fought and not because there was anything worth saving but simply because I needed to prove to myself that I wasn't someone who just screwed up every single thing I touched, wanted, or loved. I hoped that one day he would see and understand what I wanted and needed from him, but that day never came and now I am here writing all of this out to clear my head.
Why is it so hard to just hear what others are saying?
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